Dating multiple women to find a wife
She thought she was being neither welcoming nor rejecting, but rather sort of neutral.
I tried to explain to her that being “neutral” would be perceived as being cold, but she seemed unable to change. Mary Ellen worked at IBM in a relatively senior post for a woman of thirty-four. She came to see me when she realized that she had not left her apartment during the entire two weeks of her vacation.
Although there are well-known drawbacks to dating this way, I think, on balance, it is a good way of meeting a great number of people.
(See my blog post, “An Argument for Internet Dating.”) It seems to me obvious that the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you will meet and marry someone appropriate. I had three patients who made me think about this problem.
And others really do not want to get married; they want to maintain a fiction of aspiring to marriage, but it is only a fiction.
Not everyone should be married, but I think it is easier for married people to be happy.
These women (I could just as easily have chosen three men) illustrate the two principal reasons an individual cannot find an appropriate partner. A woman thinks that she will now be subject to the whims and demands of a husband.It is just that getting away from a spouse for a while sometimes allows a couple to remember all the good times they had together back in the beginning of their marriage.They tend to forget those other matters that led to their divorce—until they remarry. Usually, dating relationships spring up in three different settings: first, by meeting other people in the same community.When I suggested the usual ways of finding someone to date, she demurred. I’m going to have to do his laundry and have sex when he wants to have sex.I’m going to have to worry about how he spends my money.” No wonder she was balking at the prospect of marriage, No wonder she found some excuse to stop seeing anyone who might be a prospective husband.